Archive | February, 2012

Full of Gas – Swamp Volcano Reviewed

24 Feb

Miami Magma PosterWhen I sit down to watch one of these B-movies, I’m hoping to be entertained. That said, I’m not shocked if I end up feeling more bored or even a little confused (seriously, who was doing what drugs when they thought up Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood?). It comes with the territory.

But angry? This was a new one for me –  and exactly how I felt after sitting through Swamp Volcano when I watched it on SyFy. I actually had to step away from it for a little while to figure out why.

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Mmph mmphmmph

20 Feb

Dead silence posterOn paper Dead Silence sounds like utter nonsense – a man is investigated after his wife is found dead and he blames a possessed ventriloquist dummy. It was on the Syfy channel – I was lured into a false sense of safety. I was thinking, ‘Oh, this should be funny’.

Now, I’m not a big fan of supernatural horrors (I’d take a psycho over a ghost any day) – in fact, the last one I watched was The Grudge and I found myself sitting in the foetal position holding my breath during the final scenes. Exceptions to the rule usually involve incentive such as say…. Ryan Reynold’s chopping wood shirtless (The Amityville Horror remake). In this case, I must admit I read the plot and thought ‘Maybe’ and then saw the cast list (True Blood’s Ryan Kwanten) and thought ‘Oh, OK then’. Not only did it have a ridiculous plot but it’s acted by an ex-Home and Away star. It had to be silly! Right?

Wrong. You may call me a wuss but I found this film really creepy. Sure, it is really contrived in parts, and it was pretty silly plot-wise – but jeez, those dummies are creepy! And the old woman? Holy crap!

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It has a Baldwin! (AKA Shark in Venice)

1 Feb

I love how Shark in Venice starts with really classy, high-brow operatic intro music and lovely surroundings (Venice – you can’t get much nicer) but with really bad, cheap-looking titles slapped over the top. It sets the tone quite well.

This film is of a slightly higher calibre than some of the others I’ve reviewed so far – it has a Baldwin! (Not one of the uber-famous ones but the slightly puffier version – Stephen.) He has a permanent expression that is something akin to ‘confusion’.

You’d hope that all you need to know is in the title, but you’d be wrong. A sleazy-looking thief has hired some divers – lead by Baldwin’s father – to take a look through Venice’s canals for him. Unfortunately for the divers they’re not alone. Baldwin, of course, jets off to Venice to uncover what happened to his father. He meets the local police who are trying to convince people that the divers were killed by a motorboat to prevent public panic. During his dive he’s attacked by Jaws 2.0 and hides in umm…an abandoned treasure trove (as you do) filled with really rubbish booby-traps. Turns out everyone’s after the treasure (surprise!) and Baldwin needs to outwit Sleazy McThief and save the people of Venice from becoming shark-food. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!

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