It’s coming right for us!!

17 Mar

I happened upon Snow Beast while channel-hopping while visiting my parents and the first thing we saw was the Snow Beast peering around a tree-trunk roaring. We were in such hysterics at what we saw that we just had to keep watching – no matter how rubbish.

I obviously didn’t see the build-up but it’s not exactly hard to catch up on a tale of a yeti monster bashing people’s skulls open. Given the standard of “special effects” (read: a white gorilla suit) that went into the production of the beast, it was fairly obvious that the writing and acting would be on par.


We join Mr Kent from Smallville (John Schneider) on a snow-capped mountain somewhere in the US. It’s all very dull yammer about cameras which have mysteriously gone offline. The team have gone off leaving his teenage daughter behind in the cabin to watch the screens and radio them with updates about the camera. She sits at a bank of monitors viewing the various camera feeds. Can you see where this is headed? Yup, you guessed it – along comes a blundering, drunken man in a white gorilla suit – read: terrifying monster! This dude is hilarious – he runs fast while the camera is on him but seems to get nowhere. I’m fairly certain some of the chase scenes were based on the tower approach from Monty Python & the Holy Grail.

The guy who’s not Mr Kent manages to fall through the snow into the Snow Beast’s lair – you’d think that the beast would have something a bit more permanent than what is essentially an igloo but never mind. The lair contains some bones and the frosty body of the dude who was supposed to be looking after the cameras. DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Like me, you may be wondering why this Snow Beast hasn’t actually eaten camera dude yet – maybe he’s lonely and he’s keeping random human bodies around the house just for the company? Anyhow, they escape because well, clearly Mr Snow Beast has had a few bevvies and isn’t quite as quick on his feet as he should be.

Insert some ‘overly-protective father’ drama and the usual ‘stupid woman going off on her own’ plot devices and the rest of the plot is fairly obvious. Let’s face it, the writing is never going to be Oscar-worthy in anything featured on this blog. They do, however, use something along the lines of “It’s coming right for us.” – which obviously just made me think about South Park and added to the hilarity.

Copyright 2010 SunWorld Pictures

They end up trying to lure the creature out of hiding with er…a suitcase of microwave meals. Quite why they assume the beast is hungry given the fact that he doesn’t seem to be eating anything that he’s killed in days beyond me, but it works nonetheless. Cue yet more silly chase scenes and a brief, really daft fight.

The fight scenes with the beast are hilariously bad. Well, let’s be honest, every scene with the beast was hilariously bad – it had me laughing out loud pretty much every time he was on camera; I was close to tears at points. The costume is definitely so bad it’s good. I’d have thought they could muster up a slightly more realistic for John Schneider to stumble away from (while pausing for it to catch up a bit) but then if it weren’t for the incredibly amusing monster costume, this film wouldn’t be half as entertaining.

Overall, I would watch this again – no question. It’s entertaining nonsense and the monster is far too silly to be taken seriously on any level.

4 ridiculously clumsy beasts out of 5

Bonus related news:

While researching for this post, I found something that will most likely interest anyone casting eyes over this…

Coming soon…

Snow Shark: Ancient Snow Beast


2 Responses to “It’s coming right for us!!”

  1. 3guys1movie March 17, 2012 at 9:53 pm #

    That looks hilarious


    • phoenixx24 March 17, 2012 at 10:24 pm #

      Oh, it is – check it out if you get a chance! 🙂


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