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Mega Shark Vs Kolossus AKA “Go home, Mega Shark, you’re drunk”

2 Nov

kolossusOh, once glorious Mega Shark, how far you’ve fallen. We’re now on what feels like the eleventy-millionth Mega Shark sequel, I think mega shark has now fought pretty much everything going – except Arnie (now, that, I’d watch!). Perhaps in the next one he’ll die…and then come back as Ghost Mega shark (I’ll bring the popcorn).

Exaggerations aside, we’ve had Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark, and now…this.

So, mega shark is back and he’s flicking Navy ships out the water left, right, and centre for no reason. He doesn’t seem to have a purpose – he’s generally causing havoc as per usual. We join the scene where a Naval fleet, made up of poor man’s Samuel L Jackson (who actually does a reasonable job if you shut your eyes), some generic non-characters, and some inexplicably low-neckline, PVC/pleather-clad babes (Team Unicorn) in a submarine battle Mega Shark.

Meanwhile…the Russians (who else?) have accidentally awakened a giant robotic killing machine they built during the Cold War while they’re searching for an alternative power source. For no apparent reason, they seem to have spent presumably hundreds of millions of rubles giving the robot the appearance of anatomical, exposed human muscles. OK.  Did they give the robot any cool weapons to match his ridiculous muscles?  Well, er…apparently it has the ability to explode (but not disassemble) over and over again.  Well, it’s different…

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Jumping Itself: Sharknado 3 Reviewed

23 Aug
Oh... just go.

Oh… just go.

Let me get this out of the way first. I love Sharknado.

The first movie was much more entertaining than what I was expecting and than it had any reason being (considering The Asylum was behind it). Sharknado 2 outright blew me away. It actually made it onto my Mount Rushmore of modern B-Movies (along with Supershark, Ice Twisters, and Mega Piranha). That said, something kept gnawing at me whenever I saw a promo or trailer for the latest in the Chum Trilogy (probably not what they call it, but hey). I think part of the unease was the realization that they might have hit on the perfect formula with the last iteration, and trying to top it would cross that line from awesomely bad to just bad. Was I paranoid, or were my fears justified? Continue reading

B-Movie in AAA Clothing – San Andreas Reviewed

9 Jun
Not a GTA Sequel...

Not a GTA Sequel…

It’s rare that I get to see a movie suitable for this blog in the theater. Sure, every once in a while there will be a “special” screening (seeing Sharknado in the theater was pretty awesome), but for the most part today’s b-movie goes straight to video. And San Andreas is a b-movie.

It’s just one with a gigantic budget. Which I gotta say, in this case makes the experience all the better for it. Continue reading

The Perfect Aussie Surprise – Danger 5 Reviewed

25 May
Danger 5, assemble!

Danger 5, assemble!

When we’re not talking about video games on this site, we gravitate toward campy, cheesy entertainment. You know, the good kind of bad. Those typically work best in movies, which are nice and short. TV shows tend to run longer (even Firefly), and attempts at campy and cheesy tend to become the bad kind of bad. There are always exceptions (Lexx), but it’s been a long time since a series even approached the lofty plateau of gleefully stupid and still remained watchable.

Welcome to the club, Danger 5. Continue reading

Waiting for Moodot – GalCiv 3 Reviewed

23 May
Galactic Civilizations 3

Galactic Civilizations 3

I’ve been looking for a worthy successor to Masters of Orion 2 for a long time. To me (and many others), that remains a pinnacle of space 4X game design that has, sadly, never been fully duplicated. And while I’d still be thrilled if a game came along that gave me the same feeling I had playing MOO2 back in the day, now I’m content if a game can at least bring something new to the genre. So, how does Galactic Civilizations 3 fare? Continue reading

Get the Hell Off Me, Bloody Eagle! – FarCry 4 Reviewed

30 Jan

TitleBack when I reviewed FarCry 3, I came away from the experience very impressed overall. The Blood Dragon extension that came out shortly thereafter was inspired, so I had high hopes going into this game. Did it meet some pretty lofty expectations?

For the most part, yes. This is definitely a case of “if it aint broke” mentality in action, and, mostly, I’m OK with that… Continue reading

Zombeavers

9 Jan

Zombeavers_film_posterFor Christmas, the other half of Two Geeks (Thomas) bought me the eagerly awaited Zombeavers which I wrote about a while ago. (He also bought me Wolf Cop but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here.) So, not long after the decimated carcass of Christmas dinner was binned, the wrapping paper tidied away, and I’d finally managed peel myself off my parents’ sofa to come back to Dundee, obviously, I needed to treat myself to this spectacle asap.

I wasn’t disappointed. In case you need to remind yourself of the promise of utter nonsense included in this film, here’s the trailer:

It’s not often that one of these films manages to tick all of the boxes but I can honestly say Zombeavers has everything I want in a B-movie. Terrible acting, an utterly ridiculous (and fairly simple) plot, an amusing script, dodgy anamatronics (always better than CGI, in my opinion), an awesome theme song, boobs for the men-folk, and plenty of humour – what more could you need?

We join a bunch of teenagers (complete with the usual relationship dramas) in an isolated cabin in the woods. Obviously, there’s also some scary judgmental, gun-toting locals who disapprove whole-heartedly of skin being on display, and obviously, a whole bunch of chemically-contaminated, psychotic beavers who evidently dislike people being on their turf. Chaos ensues, of course. Flaming anamatronic, whack-a-mole, beaver chaos.

zombeaverThe effects. What can I say? Well, for starters, the beavers are atrocious – but brilliantly so! They appear in doorways shreaking and looking like they’re having some sort of epileptic fit and wheel across the ground in blatant remote-controled-car-with-fake-fur-on-top fashion. Then there’s the effects later on – which are downright ridiculous, and yet it all just adds to the fun. It’s comedy gold.

The acting is, as expected, pretty questionable at best – however, it’s not quite ‘as bad as porn’ like some I could mention. The characters are, well, pretty ‘meh’ but that’s to be expected – you’re not meant to grow attached to them.

I have to hand it to the writers – they certainly weren’t afraid of taking it to the next level. This film brings plenty of laughs and, I won’t spoil it because it’s too good a moment, but it really ramps up the silly factor in the last half an hour or so. I will mention that, as you might have guessed from the mention above, there’s a suicidal flaming beaver which absolutely cracked me up.

All in all this one is right up there for me – hilariously bad! I have recommended it to a bunch of people already and I highly recommend it to you too!

P.S. I’d also like to share this blog post which I found while writing this post – which shows Zombeavers posters themed in other classic film styles.

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