Tag Archives: syfy

Mega Shark Vs Kolossus AKA “Go home, Mega Shark, you’re drunk”

2 Nov

kolossusOh, once glorious Mega Shark, how far you’ve fallen. We’re now on what feels like the eleventy-millionth Mega Shark sequel, I think mega shark has now fought pretty much everything going – except Arnie (now, that, I’d watch!). Perhaps in the next one he’ll die…and then come back as Ghost Mega shark (I’ll bring the popcorn).

Exaggerations aside, we’ve had Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark, and now…this.

So, mega shark is back and he’s flicking Navy ships out the water left, right, and centre for no reason. He doesn’t seem to have a purpose – he’s generally causing havoc as per usual. We join the scene where a Naval fleet, made up of poor man’s Samuel L Jackson (who actually does a reasonable job if you shut your eyes), some generic non-characters, and some inexplicably low-neckline, PVC/pleather-clad babes (Team Unicorn) in a submarine battle Mega Shark.

Meanwhile…the Russians (who else?) have accidentally awakened a giant robotic killing machine they built during the Cold War while they’re searching for an alternative power source. For no apparent reason, they seem to have spent presumably hundreds of millions of rubles giving the robot the appearance of anatomical, exposed human muscles. OK.  Did they give the robot any cool weapons to match his ridiculous muscles?  Well, er…apparently it has the ability to explode (but not disassemble) over and over again.  Well, it’s different…

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Jumping Itself: Sharknado 3 Reviewed

23 Aug
Oh... just go.

Oh… just go.

Let me get this out of the way first. I love Sharknado.

The first movie was much more entertaining than what I was expecting and than it had any reason being (considering The Asylum was behind it). Sharknado 2 outright blew me away. It actually made it onto my Mount Rushmore of modern B-Movies (along with Supershark, Ice Twisters, and Mega Piranha). That said, something kept gnawing at me whenever I saw a promo or trailer for the latest in the Chum Trilogy (probably not what they call it, but hey). I think part of the unease was the realization that they might have hit on the perfect formula with the last iteration, and trying to top it would cross that line from awesomely bad to just bad. Was I paranoid, or were my fears justified? Continue reading

NEWS FLASH – ‘Sharknado 2: The Second One’ premieres tonight

31 Jul

I’m sure everyone is aware by now, but for those of you who happen to be living under a rock…Sharknado 2: The Second One is being shown on UK Syfy channel tonight at 9pm – “minutes after the US”. Squeeeeeeeeee!

Feast your eyes on the trailer to prepare yourself:

It Flies? Super Shark Reviewed

11 Jan
Fake Poster

He makes Jaws look like Flipper…

Rare is the movie that gets it all right. I don’t mean that in a “Silence of the Lambs”, “The Godfather”, or “Joe vs. the Volcano” way. I mean when a movie hits a certain level of bat-shit crazy, so bad it’s good, b-movie awesomeness and keeps things there for most of the film. And never takes itself too seriously – a fatal flaw many movies of this ilk suffer from. Mega Piranha comes to mind when I think of the short list of movies that have hit this “zone”. With Super Shark, I’m happy to say a new movie has made it to that list. Continue reading

Mega Tiffany vs Debbie Gibson-oid

9 Dec

My good friends, Jon and Gavin are apparently so amused by our Two Geeks reviews that when they recently came across a bargain copy of Mega Python vs Gateroid while shopping they insisted on buying it so I could review it. I love my friends!

This has the same loose premise of the other “Mega” films – stupid people and umm…giant animals. I would add “hell bent on destroying humanity” to the end of that sentence but that’s not really true – they just want to eat and generally bumble about. Anyway, it opens with incredibly over-dramatic music as a group of animal-loving eco-terrorists (led by “80s pop sensation” Debbie Gibson) break into a lab to rescue some pythons which are have been experimented on.

They proceed to have a downright ridiculous car chase with the sheriff – who seems to have bought the Zoolander of the car world because it has all the turning capabilities of a brick wall. After they ditch the incompetent law enforcement driver they go to release the snakes. Amazingly, while there were only a handful of snakes in the lab, it seems like they found some more on the way to the release point because when they open the bag it’s like a bad CGI version of Medusa’s hair clippings.

Moving on to our next leading lady, we join our other “80s pop sensation” Tiffany – who is playing the head honcho of the rangers in these ‘ere woods. A bunch of stereotypical hillbilly-types are dying to get their hunting permits and she’s trying to tell them hunting season is off. The costumes department seem to have misjudged her clothing sizes quite impressively – since it looks like she might actually shower buttons all over the place at any second. Who knows, it might have helped her get rid of those pesky hunters quicker – a swift button to the eye could be quite dangerous. She also seems to have used enough lipstick to fund Rimmel for a month – they don’t do anything by halves.

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On the Rocks – Absolute Zero Reviewed

24 Aug

A drink or two would have definitely helped…

Keeping up with the latest SyFy b-movies has been a little harder than I imagined since I cut the cable back in April, but buried in Netflix one can still find a few “gems”. And since it’s the middle of what’s been a fairly hot summer, this week’s review is for the 2006 ice disaster movie Absolute Zero, starring Jeff Fahey as a scientist with out-of-control eyebrows who discovers that the next ice age is just around the corner. And it’s going to be very, very cold.

Characters in disaster films typically fall into two camps. They can be active, trying to save the day (and usually succeeding) by implementing a last minute theory they invariably pull out of their ass. Or they can be passive, running from explosion to explosion and just trying to make it to the end. Active characters tend to make the plot more exciting, if generally more absurd. Passive ones allow for more “realistic” disasters to unfold, but they generally don’t contribute much beyond tension – unless they’re well written, which rarely happens with a movie like this.

Absolute Zero has the absurd premise of an active movie with characters that mainly react to events around them. It tries to be both kinds of disaster film, with middling results. Continue reading

Review: Iron Sky

5 Jun

Warning: I’m aware quite a lot of you haven’t seen this yet, but it’s quite difficult to write about something without giving a lot away so there are spoilers.  However, it is a film about Nazis on the moon, people, you can guess what’s going to happen.

Iron Sky

It’s 2018 and the world hasn’t changed vastly – people are still using iPhones & androids, tablets have weird hologram projections, police ride segways, that interactive Microsoft table that costs an absolute bomb is still kicking about, cities still look pretty much the same.

I say it hasn’t changed much, but we’re presented with a terrifying future where the US is governed by someone blatantly meant to be Sarah Palin (*shudder*) – ironically using a slogan of ‘Yes we can’.  Hilariously, the White House is bedecked with taxidermy creatures of varying sizes – including a positively ginormous moose head pretty much half the size of a car sticking out the wall.  She’s apparently kicked off a campaign called ‘Black to the moon’ – sending our black hero to the moon, whereupon he encounters the Nazi’s swastika-shaped (what else?) moon-base.

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