Tag Archives: syfy

News: Mega Shark 3 announced

27 Mar

Yes, my friends, the blog-o-sphere is rife with reports that The Asylum have announced a third Mega Shark movie. Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus was the starting point for my interest in this type of crazy movie – as I’m sure it was for many people – so I’m fairly excited about this news.

Apparently this news comes after fans sent in a petition to continue the series. This installment takes Mega Shark even further than before – ‘she’ faces a mechanical version of herself, specially built by the American Army to take her down! It sounds like something out of Power Rangers!

Via Movieline

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Taking the Chill Off – 2012: Ice Age Reviewed

22 Mar
Mashup Poster

This is what DirecTV thought the movie was…

In another situation I might not have done this review. I’ve seen plenty of b-movies that I just watch, but DirecTV triggered my OCD-driven need to review it when they mislabeled this a few weeks back. I thought it was weird that in the middle of a disaster movie marathon SyFy would show the animated Ice Age (you know, the one with Ray Romano as a mammoth and Denis Leary as a saber-tooth?), but who was I to question them? Realizing that I had missed seeing this made me track it down (yay NetFlix!), and once I put in that effort a review became inevitable.

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It’s coming right for us!!

17 Mar

I happened upon Snow Beast while channel-hopping while visiting my parents and the first thing we saw was the Snow Beast peering around a tree-trunk roaring. We were in such hysterics at what we saw that we just had to keep watching – no matter how rubbish.

I obviously didn’t see the build-up but it’s not exactly hard to catch up on a tale of a yeti monster bashing people’s skulls open. Given the standard of “special effects” (read: a white gorilla suit) that went into the production of the beast, it was fairly obvious that the writing and acting would be on par.

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Full of Gas – Swamp Volcano Reviewed

24 Feb

Miami Magma PosterWhen I sit down to watch one of these B-movies, I’m hoping to be entertained. That said, I’m not shocked if I end up feeling more bored or even a little confused (seriously, who was doing what drugs when they thought up Mutant Vampire Zombies from the Hood?). It comes with the territory.

But angry? This was a new one for me –  and exactly how I felt after sitting through Swamp Volcano when I watched it on SyFy. I actually had to step away from it for a little while to figure out why.

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Not in the Face! – Collision Earth Reviewed

25 Jan
Earth in a fender bender...

Bastard didn't even leave his insurance information...

When I sit down to watch a movie like Collision Earth, I’m hoping for one of two things – a shred of believability (sure, I guess humanity could be threatened by man-made ice twisters), or a sense that it’s not taking itself seriously (did I just see a shark jump out of the ocean and take down a jetliner?). That second bit can be achieved either through plot or by casting Stephen Baldwin as the lead. Sometimes a magical movie comes along that satisfies both requirements (Mega Piranha anyone?).

Unfortunately, Collision Earth satisfies neither option. It takes a preposterous premise entirely too seriously, and there’s nary a Baldwin to be seen.

I’ve wanted to do a running diary review of one of these SyFy movies for a while, and when I saw that Amy had done one for Mortal Kombat I figured the time had come. Spoilers will follow, so if you actually want to see the film… I still recommend reading this. I mean seriously, we’re not talking The Sixth Sense twist endings here.

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Waiting for the Ball to Drop – Earth’s Final Hours Reviewed

11 Jan
Hourglass Earth

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the Earth's final hours...

When a small chunk of dense matter is about to smack into the Earth, it’s best to not try and block it with your back. That’s the main lesson I came away with after watching SyFy’s latest disaster flick, Earth’s Final Hours.

The latest entry into the “Oh my God, we’re all about to die!” genre starts off with a small piece of dense stellar matter smashing through the Earth (and through a very, very unlucky scientist).

Two FBI agents (X-files, anyone?) are on hand to witness this live-action adaptation of “The Human Donut”, though only one figures prominently in the film. Robert Knepper plays John Streich (pronounced strike, a very b-movie action-film name), a recently transferred FBI agent with a felonious hacker teenage son. Side note: is there some requirement now that all disaster movies need the misunderstood teenager? They seem to exist solely to either get in danger (and artificially ratchet up the tension) or to go from belligerent hindrance to vital cog in the solution during the climax (and artificially ratchet down the difficulty). This time it’s the latter, which could be worse – at least he doesn’t spend half the movie being chased by a cougar.

This wasn’t the 24 clip I was looking for, but it’s pretty damn funny. Plus, it does have a cougar…
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Crocodile 2: Death Swamp

10 Dec
Crocodile 2

Crocodile 2 (according to IMDB it’s got the subtitle ‘Death Swamp’) starts off like any cheesy action movie – so much so that I began to wonder if I’d put in the right disk (I am senile like that). There’s a bank heist, the set-up for an air disaster, and a highly amusing ‘men in dark glasses walking in slow-mo with a guitar riff played over the soundtrack‘ scene and all the usual boring introductions.

The plane plays host to a wide array of stock asshole characters – none of whom anyone in their right mind would want to travel with.  We have the cocky guy who knows too much for his own good, the sleazy businessman, the drug-fueled air hostess, a thug with what can only be described as a ‘perplexing’ accent, a sex-pest and, of course, poor man’s Samuel L. Jackson who doesn’t seem to be able to go 5 mins without saying ‘motherf**ker’ at least 15 times.

Insert nonsense plot device for plane crash in a swamp and enter croc #1 stage left. Amusingly, there are shots filmed from the croc’s perspective (with growling noises and distorted sounds) from through some trees at about er…human eye level.  Croc #1 is no match for aforementioned guys in dark glasses and meets a swift and bullet-riddled end.  This, however, pisses off Mamma Croc no end – as you’d expect – and so begins the ‘terror’.

The crocs are mosly only seen during nighttime sequences for the first part of the film – which is a good choice – but when it is seen in the light it’s surprisingly convincing (for this type of film).  That being said, perhaps my experience of having seen the laughable effects at the end of in Snakes on a Train has rendered me rather easily impressed?

The dialogue is nothing short of colourful (some scenes could probably give Reservoir Dogs a run for its money).  Mind you, I suppose if I were faced with a huge crocodile I suspect I’d develop a severe case of Tourettes too.  There are some memorable lines or scenes though – such as the “EAT ME!” shouted by Mr Sleazy Businessman from a first floor window (while flipping the bird at croc-zilla).  His wish is granted.  Personally, I loved “You a survivor – you go survive!” (said in such a tone that it should really have been followed up with head-bobbing and finger snapping).

Overall, it has pretty much everything you’d want from a monster movie – bad acting, ridiculous characters, some silly deaths, inexplicable explosions, cheesy dialogue.  Oddly, the effects are pretty decent and the crocodile doesn’t look like a huge lump of plasticine.  The attempted rape scene is er…a bit serious for what really should be light-hearted entertainment – they haven’t really got the balance between jarring people with serious issues and umm…the rest of the film.  I wouldn’t be in a rush to see it again but it was most certainly an improvement on Crocodile